The Dirt

The Worst Plant Tag Ever

1. Couldn’t you have at least tried to come up with a name?
2. Couldn’t you have shouted to a co-worker, “Hey, what kind of plant is this anyway?”  
3. Was the answer “A green one”?
4. Why don’t any of the numerous plants in the picture look like my Green Plant?
5. Some of the plants in the photo are actually green and white. Would they be considered Green Plants, too?
6. If you couldn’t even bother to provide a name, how much can I trust your recommendation of “moderate light”?
7. Isn’t “moderate light” just hedging your bet, since you don’t know what plant this is and couldn’t possibly know what it needs for light?
8. Isn’t the information provided under “How to Care for your Green Plant” true for 90% of indoor plants?
9. Aren’t the “key tips for success” merely a restatement of the hopelessly general instructions that come first?
10. Did you also want to include the following instructions: Plant in dark soil in a pot with the opening facing up. Do not bleach. Do not place in freezer. Water should be wet before applying to Green Plant.
11. Did you have a meeting to brainstorm other ways this tag could be less helpful?
12. Do you think people should get an “A” for effort?
13. If so, what grade would you give yourself for this tag?
14. Is this a conspiracy?
15. Do you think you can get away with this?
16. What do you mean “I already have.”?
17. Why do you hate me?

View Comments


  1. Kate_Frank 01/15/2009

    I'm just relieved they remembered to point out that Green Plant is not edible.

  2. southernsoil 01/16/2009

    Hilarious! I want a burgandy plant do you think the green plant people can help me?

  3. Mistkitsdotcom 01/20/2009

    I am a little worried that they patented the damn thing!

  4. dognpony 02/06/2009

    "place near sunny window in winter" Hopefully GREEN PLANT won't be put near the window on the exterior side of your home.

  5. LaurenJolly 02/16/2009

    I recognize this! It is one of the few plants sold in my local big box along with "perennial shade plant" and "full sun shrub".

  6. ahhannie 02/28/2009

    Variegated Green Plant, no less!

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